Different than I thought

My focus is slightly different today. I risk spreading the content too thin when I include such ancillary appendages like cigars or therapy, Tejano music or hot dogs. It's not that I couldn't fill volumes with all things hot dog, I could. But beyond the fact that Charlie has been fed hot dogs three of his last four meals, they aren't all that exciting. Try telling that to Charlie though. He loves them. I got in trouble for not cutting the pieces of hot dog up small enough. I never knew it before being a full time father, but hot dogs are one of the main causes of choking in children. Hot dogs, grapes and nuts round out the top three. If you're a mom that's probably instinctual knowledge.

I want to add oranges to that list. Ever since I've been feeding Charlie orange slices, he's gagged on them almost every time. I figured out he likes to chew on the orange, the entire slice, until all the juice has been sucked out. Not long after, he is left with two chubby cheeks full of fibrous pulp. When he tires of chewing on the pulp, he either spits it out onto his shirt, which hopefully is not white, or he tries to swallow the wad. If he spits it out onto the front of his shirt it either remains there, slightly gummy, dries up and sticks to the fabric, or it falls down into the crevices of his stroller where it does the same sticking and drying to either the stroller fabric or the back of his pants. All decaying food usually ends up looking the same when it finally comes the time to clean the stroller out. The one time I did clean out the stroller it amounted to tipping it over on the front lawn and shaking.

I've also seen him launch the pulpy wad into the air and land where it may. Even in the event he is able to swallow the orange, two out of three times, he will hack it up on his shirt, partly digested. I have begun to bite off the thickest pulpy skin before giving it to him. I never imagined myself doing this. I used to make fun of kids whose parents removed the crust from their bread. I do this now too. After removing the crust, I quarter the sandwiches into neat little sandwich triangles. He doesn't even like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I keep hoping he will. We went to a birthday party where they were served for the kids. He loved them. PB&J sandwiches and watermelon. He loved them both that day. It's funny. He still loves watermelon. He has never eaten a PB&J triangle since that day. I will keep trying. Maybe I'll try squares or circles. I haven't tested starving him yet. It's crossed my mind he doesn't care for PB&J. I really flopped on keeping him from nut products. That I can tell, he's never had an adverse reaction. The only thing he did react to was a bread pudding dessert at a restaurant. He just had a little bite of it too. A rash spread almost immediately over his lips, cheeks and under his chin. We called the doctor's office. They recommended Benedryl. By the time we picked up the Benedryl from the pharmacy, the rash had gone away.

Anyway, about cutting food up. Before I knew about the choking risks, I let Charlie try adult sized bites of foods. I swear, he has never choked while I have been on the clock. I didn't change my belief in my son's ability to chew his food. What changed me was Jill. If she thought the pieces I gave him were too big, she would always say something, but what she would always do, was stare. She would watch Charlie so closely, so intently, each bite he'd shovel into his mouth. The real risk of choking was my wife. I'm telling you it ruined entire meals the way she readied herself mentally to throw our little boy over her thigh and whack him on the back. My throat even felt somewhat restricted. I've never choked on anything. Well, I did swallow a plastic spork when it broke off in my mouth. It was lodged in there for a while I remember. My mom made me drink saltine crackers and milk. I remember drinking the milk out of a tall slender green cup.

Everyone was tense during mealtime. Everyone but Charlie. I think he misses the attention from his mommy, now that I cut the food up into pieces an ant could swallow whole. In fact, I believe since then, Charlie has faked choking just to get her attention. It's nice though. Jill and I can talk.

**Update

Since I wrote this, Charlie has enjoyed several PB&J's. After unsuccessfully going through grape jelly and strawberry preserves, we've settled on seeded red raspberry jam to accompany his peanut butter. I started buying thin wheat sandwich slices. They are only 100 calories for the whole roll and they naturally don't have crust so there is no de-crusting involved.